This story begins on a Monday bright

FoxNews had given me an awful fright...

Seems as though embryos were escaping me

Me and my kind, abortionists, you see!

Men and women faithful to the call

Of ending life, so fragile and small.

So small, in fact, they hardly matter

A blob of tissue, a speck, a spatter.

For years, I made an obscene mint

A snip, a snap, and a pointed hint

“We’re done,” I’d say, and in a daze

My client would move as in a haze

Making room for the next one

Filling my coffers with a tidy sum.

My method, though clumsy, was more than sufficient

Ridding my client of a problem persistent

Who could believe that something so tiny and small

Could cause such a problem, such a problem at all?

You would not believe the hoo-rah and ruckus!

The commotion, the hoopla, the outcry, the muckus!

Let them shout all they wish, let them shout, I say

I’ll drive away at the end of the day!

Drive, drive away! I’ll come back tomorrow

To an office full of women with sorrow.

I’ll tell you about one, her name was Sue

Sitting with a tear, obviously blue.

Did she know what we had done?

The price she paid for a bit of fun?

A clumsy fumble, a boyfriend’s stumble

Leaving her pregnant, bare, and humble

Waiting for me to perform my magic

Erasing all clues of a Friday so tragic.

Tragic, you mutter? There’s no such thing

It’s a matter of choice, and freedom is king!

“It’s my body,” she said, and I fully agree.

So I’ll scrape your womb, for a nominal fee.

I’ll be done, before you know

Before your troubles begin to show

Before your face begins to glow

I’ll deal with this little embryo!

He has no choice, he has no voice.

In thirty minutes, you will rejoice!

I will solve your problem present

Give your life back, isn’t that pleasant?”

Little Sue cried, she was so relieved

Wiping her tears on her sleeve

“Come on, Doc, let’s get started!

Right away, we must be parted,

This zygote and I. Away, Away!"

My ambitions begin again today!

As for him, it does not matter

I can always hear the patter

Of little feet another time.

Another day, next year, maybe

Maybe, maybe, we shall see.

But as for now, let’s get this done

Let’s get rid of this my son.”

In thirty minutes the deed was done

Little Sue forgotten in thirty-one.

So “Ha!” to Fox, you railed in vain

My job secure, and once again

Your ominous voice of doom

Proven wrong, your tale of gloom

“Abortions down!” mere fabrication

A lie most foul, prevarication!

As long as Little Sues and her kind

Intertwine without a mind

To keep apart the sperm and egg

Men like me will never beg

I shall sit in my rocking chair

My golden years? A millionaire!

To get me there, a simple motto

“This embryo has got to go!”

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