Cairo, NY -- TV crews, shill literati and unquestioning f-inheritor fans can spin it any way they like, but the only accomplishment that accrues to the splitter from his considerable mergification expenditure is the nominal end of the self-serving separation that he unilaterally created and which he could have ended -- for free -- at any time over the last dozen years. 

Had he done so at an earlier date when there were still some engine manufacturers around which could have made a unified series more competitive, interesting and healthy he would have saved a huge chunk of inheritance while retaining the legitimacy of his family's precious asset.  Therefore, to call the current arrangement "reunification" or "merger" is not only a gross exaggeration but a bestowal of far more credit than is due.

If you were paying any attention to the announce team and its chief colorist during the desecration of Champ Car racing that was the Long Beach Grand Prix telecast, you already have an idea of what the next f-inheritor propaganda campaign will entail. 

In tandem with the ongoing soap opera about the rat-faced girl's cheesy escapades, what you will soon be reading everywhere from the series' website to your local gazette will be stories about the return of a Real Bump Day to the 2008 Indy 500 program.

Even if the list of entrants is long enough to require bumping to pare it down to the traditional 33-car race day field, any implied similarity between a pre-split Bump Day and the 2008 version will amount to nothing more than a spiking of the Speedway inheritor's hallucinogenic Kool-Aid.

Other than racing in the pre-split IndyCar World Series what do Willy T. Ribbs, Lyn St. James and Dennis Vitolo have in common? 

Yes, they were all excluded from Indy 500 competition on one Bump Day or another, but on a day when they made it to the show each had literally been waiting in Gasoline Alley to hear whether someone's signature had been affixed to a check before they could go out on the track and attempt to qualify by bumping someone else's car. 

Vitolo's banker had to approve the mortgage Dennis applied for on his Long Island home before he could pay the crew and car rental fee to run his four qualifying laps.

Willy T finally got that hoped-for last-minute phone call from his benefactor, Bill Cosby, who had been feverishly working to secure a sponsor for Ribbs. 

Similarly, Lyn St. James' last-ditch sponsor acquisitions were a regular part of her May ritual and served to increase the drama and suspense on several Bump Days.  Furthermore, her rare IndyCar appearances stimulated a male versus female comparison wherein the female had been a proven winner in a tough, high-echelon series prior to her one-off IndyCar appearances.

Check these 1994 Indy 500 Stats.  Look at how many different engines and chassis competed in the very year that the inheritor received his split vision   Look, also, at the names of the participating teams and note the list of entrants who failed to qualify or were eliminated on Bump Day. 

This kind of diversity was part of what once was the Greatest Spectacle in Racing from its very beginning.  The list of entrants who got bumped is pages long and contains the names of the famous as well as the unknown names that made our beloved speed sport great.

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